Incremental

I am leaving tomorrow for several days in Moab Utah with a bunch of guys, my Ransomed Heart brothers. A few of these men I've met face-to-face, most I've only "conversed" with on a forum, now defunct, that was sponsored by Ransomed Heart. If you asked me six years ago if I'd ever do something like this, I would have answered with an emphatic "No!".

What happened?

To answer I need to briefly describe who I was. I grew up deathly afraid of men. Through some very dark, destructive experiences in my early formative years coupled with absolute ineptitude in the arena of sports where most boys acquire a sense of belonging and a very lonely childhood in rural California (yes, it does exist), I came into adulthood believing beyond a shadow of a doubt that I didn't fit into the world of men. I'm an untrained singer with an eye towards all things beautiful who will break out in a cold sweat if you put a baseball glove on my left hand.

Today, I am looking forward to five days in Utah with a bunch of men. Truly there has been a transformation of my heart, but how did that happen?

Incrementally, bit by bit, small step by small step. Jesus has done what He said He came to do when He read from Isaiah 61, "bind up broken hearts, set captives free, give sight to the blind".

Often we want the big "AHA!" moment where clarity rushes in and a new thing is known for certain; our lives take a new trajectory. I've had a few of those moments these past six years but mostly this has been a walk of step-by-step trust in His words for me; believing I am a new man with a new heart, that there is something more true about me than who I once believed I was.

Part of Jesus' work is transforming us into His likeness, walking as He created us to be. But I have found this is a long, slow process accomplished in increments marked along the way as I cooperate with His promptings. Its not been an easy journey nor has it always been an "always forward" one. Every once in a while He gives me a glimpse backward and I see how far the two of us have come. Today is one of those moments. I can't wait to get on the plane tomorrow, can't wait to be with these men. Yes, some of the old lies will spring up and I may taste once again some of my old fears, but facing these fears, with Jesus, is part of this incremental process of transformation. I am no longer looking for the big moments, but the small steps.