Sunday, March 10, 2013

UNTIDY

I usually think these posts out, if not on paper at least in my mind. I am currently sitting out front smoking a decent cigar. Tried to read but I simply can't shake off a restless, untidy feeling. As a result, I probably won't tie this up into some nice neat package but looking for transcendence isn't as tidy as one might think. So I might ramble on a bit here.

I am missing some friends today.  They were a couple we knew in our previous church. They were the kind of friends who look at each other after church and ask if they had plans. If not, we'd end up at either house with our kids and would probably play a game or do something. It was often spontaneous. Finding others who have the luxury of time to be spontaneous is a hard thing to find.

Some of this is an outgrowth of my not going to a retreat a good friend of mine in Pennsylvania put on. Several men I don't see often enough were there and I wished I'd gone.

A good friend of mine, our Pastor of Missions and Education has accepted a new position and will be moving on sometime this May. Derek and I rarely spend time together but I will miss him.

Our Sr. Pastor is also leaving for another church. Next Sunday will be his last weekend with us. I've not been able to put my finger on exactly why, but his presence somehow makes me feel safe. His leaving feels a bit like a stool has been knocked out from underneath me.

In addition, I am sensing Abba asking me to do a couple of things. I won't go into detail about these but one is stepping up and serving my church in a capacity I previously held. I've not been formally asked but I believe that request is coming.  The other will stretch me more as I don't know if I really have what it takes to do it. Both of these are associated with people seeing things in me I don't easily see in myself. I am pretty quick drawing out the "disqualification" gun and shooting myself in the foot.

Unsettled and untidy. That describes the condition of my heart today.  Honestly, I believe we Christ followers try to rush through these periods in our lives. They are uncomfortable and we expect following our Elder Brother to be settled, clear and peaceful. Really though, where did he promise that? That wonderful passage in Matthew 11 comes to mind, towards the end of the chapter when he invites us to live and rest in his yoke. It is not heavy or ill-fitting but it is a yoke nonetheless. The way some of this is playing out is not how I imagined. I have thought about writing some about what that looks like but not today.

Today I am sitting here on a beautiful late winter day in Elk Grove resting honestly alongside my Lord, Savior and best friend Jesus. I refuse to be anything less than honest with him in spite of the untidiness of this afternoon. I suppose therein lies the transcendence I watch for.