It has been a very long time since I've written anything here. I am currently sitting outside with my dog Murphy finishing up a very fine cigar. I came out to finish up an assignment for the class I am taking for my Spiritual Direction program that I am enrolled in. It is a program that is consuming much of my time. It is a place of threshold.
Threshold space is that place of movement from one room to another. We move through them so quickly that we don't take the moment to understand what we are doing. If we move from one room to another we don't give that fraction of a second any thought at all. We've simply moved from one room to another.
There are times of threshold space in our lives. The birth of our first child was one of those times. We moved from not having a child to the life of always having a child. She is now 36 years old and we've added our son, he is 34. I can hardly remember the almost 5 years we had without children but it was a room of time we occupied. It is a room forever left behind.
My wife and I are in another threshold space. It involves caring for our aged parents. My mother celebrated her 92nd birthday yesterday. She is in the slow decline of heart failure and needs oxygen nearly all day to keep her waning energy level up. My mother in law, who lives with us, turned 87 in June. She is in good health but mentally is slowing down. It is not always easy to live with. My father in law tuned 82 in May. His health is precarious and has had a rough summer with various issues. It is a time between having our parents with us and not having them. There is a tension in this threshold space as we care for them and as we care for the eventual loss that is clearly on the horizon.
I've also been in a prolonged threshold space in regards to my desire to be a Spiritual Director. I started this journey in 2010 when I worked one on one with my friend Tara who taught me much about this practice. It is a calling though, not just a practice. It started with God asking me, "What does it look like to partner with someone encouraging them into intimacy with Me?" That is the calling part of this and is an outgrowth of my own personal awakening into a life of deep communion with this Other who loves us so dearly, deeply and lavishly.
After three years Tara encouraged me to enroll in a formal program. Encourage really isn't a strong enough word but it will suffice for now! She suggested a couple programs and I applied and was accepted into a program based here in California.
It is a year of threshold. I have left one room but have not arrived yet into another. This space is vital. I honestly don't know what the room I am preparing to enter will look like. This is not an easy discipline to understand by those of us who have grown up in Evangelical Protestant faith communities. I still struggle with articulating what I do when I meet with folk one on one in direction.
I'm not writing to explain but would like to encourage any who find themselves in threshold spaces. It is an uncomfortable place to be, a place of waiting but also a place of crafting. God is crafting me for what He is bringing. Thus far I've gone through five courses, four weeks each. The first four courses flew by and I found much that I resonated with. It was God naming so much of what the two of us had already been doing in my time in the park each morning.
However, this last class, Theological Reflection, brought me to frustration, tears and the temptation to quit. At one point I emailed the instructor and told him I was opting out of involvement in the class. I told him I would read but felt completely at a loss as to what we were doing and where this was headed. His kind response encouraged me to stay the course, that from his perspective, all that I'd already written had shown the proficiency he was looking for. I stuck it out and today finished writing my final reflection paper much, much richer for the experience.
Threshold space is hard in that these are the times of uncertainty where we have to trust what God is doing. It may be a time of apparent nothingness, like sitting in a waiting room. But if we are attuned to His leading us in this space we will learn much we wouldn't learn otherwise. It is important, fruitful time.
I am writing this thinking about friends who are currently unemployed. Few things define threshold better than those fearful times. You are not alone. I can't wave a magic wand nor speak words that will allay your fears. I simply want you to know, I am with you. It is in these times when the companion of a good director helps as the frustration mounts.
I am also thinking of those who have suffered loss of loved ones. Again, it is an important time of threshold. Don't go it alone. We are called as Christ followers to come along side. Don't mourn alone.
Actually, as I write this, I am aware that God is in the community we live in. We are all broken and need the time of threshold we may find ourselves in but we need to know we are not alone. God gave me the community of my fellow students to encourage me, in fact many felt similar frustrations with the recent course. Sometimes that is what we need, fellow travelers on the way.
