Nearly all my papers are complete and turned in, I finished my last course last week and my last week of the program is a residency week in Southern California the week after Thanksgiving. My time in this threshold is nearly done. It is time to move into whatever room is on the other side of this protracted time.
It has been a very good time for me. So much has been learned and I am coming away with a deep sense of affirmation for this calling into working with folk as a Spiritual Director. A new community of like-minded people has formed with the other cohorts in this program and I come away with three directees that I feel blessed and honored to work with. This year has flown by.
As many of you know, I spend my early mornings at a park on my way to work. It is there this incredible intimacy with God has blossomed and flourished these past nearly eleven years. The past 5 years have been consumed with working in this realm of Spiritual Direction, the first 4 years with my friend and mentor, Tara and the last year this intense time in this program.
Last week I sat with God and listened to where my time in the park will go. Frankly, I am not sure. I will probably move back into the rhythm I had with Him before this endeavor started; Bible open, journal at hand and a pen in my hand writing what flows between Abba and myself. I am looking forward to this but I do know this God of mystery will probably throw me some wonderful curves.
One day, late in my time at the park a low fog formed. I looked westward from my chair and noticed I could not see very far. The golden morning sun had started to make its way above the Sierra mountains behind me. The golden light was illuminating the trees above the low forming fog letting me see them clearly. It was a beautiful picture of what I am feeling right now.
I don't know specifically what the coming days hold after all this work. I have some doors to knock on to see if they open as I develop my practice but I still don't know what shape that will take. Some opportunities are already coming up but what is "out there" is still foggy for me. The illuminated trees represent God's light. If I look up, I can see there is something beyond the fog. I still need to navigate the clouded future but I felt a strong and compelling peace about where He is leading me.
I will say though I am anxious. Its interesting that peace and some anxiety can co-exist but isn't that just like our Heavenly Father? This infinite Other will always be able to surprise us if we but trust and love Him.
I think my anxiety comes from being comfortable in this threshold space that I must now depart. What is in the fog? What new adventures are out there? Its exciting though.
