Lent Again

I am not sure my thoughts are ready for typing. I still feel drawn though to writing here.

This has been interesting. A couple things I'm noticing, I am realizing how easy it was for me to scratch the itch for a little mindless entertainment and I am noticing I "itch" a lot. I find myself wanting those few minutes playing mindless solitaire fairly often and then rather quickly realizing that I'm really hungry for something more. It has become an often made choice between distraction or paying attention to what is underneath the "itch". I am not finding it hard to say "No" to distraction because the hunger that is there leads me to noticing more of God in the moment.

I wonder if I am suppose to feel deprived, I really don't. I feel blessed to be hungry for Abba. The distraction was not allowing me to actually be hungry for Him. It was either covering up the underlying hunger or was moving me away from the desire. I am not sure which it is, it really isn't an important distinction.

I am noticing how easy and how often I moved towards the distraction. It is a little sobering for me to think of it in terms of the ease and frequency I indulged myself. It isn't about sin, rather it is about where I place my heart on my personal agenda. The distraction of the games moved me away from noticing my own heart. Volunteering to take away the distraction has allowed me to notice more carefully what makes my heart really beat.

I am also struck by how often I am called to participate in this act of noticing the desire. It goes a little like this: I want some "down" time with nearly mindless distraction, I say "No", I then notice my heart turning towards the desire for Him, I listen more carefully and notice the still small voice of the Spirit that dwells in me, the desire transforms into a bit more hunger, my heart is more in tune with His. It all happens in just a moment.

I am also noticing I am going straight to the desire without the initial prompt of the "itch", I am simply hungry more often for a conscious sense of PRESENCE.

I've got some other thoughts regarding this experience, but I think I will save those thoughts and let them percolate for another time typing here.

Still game-less, Kelly